You write, "But being comfortable in your body isn’t expensive. That’s a convenient and lucrative lie. It’s not expensive; it’s difficult. It’s extremely difficult to accept yourself. Impossible, even. The only way to get anywhere close to self-acceptance is to earn it, to become someone deserving of it."
This reminded me of a famous exchange from a hundred-year-old children's book: "'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long times, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.' 'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.' 'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'
'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long times. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.'" -Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit--who in the story becomes a real rabbit after he has ceased to be a purchased toy.
I have never heard of this book before. Read one excerpt that you shared and ordered the 100th anniversary hardcover edition just now. Something about these few lines tells me that I'd cherish this book for a long time, maybe even read to my or my friends' children. Thank you for sharing 🤍
Such a beautiful sentiment, I teared up. The last time my mum read that book to me it was over two decades ago and soon it'll be time for me to take care of her :') Thanks for your comment
This is an amazing article! You wrote exactly what has been on my mind lately. I deleted my social media apps 10 days ago and have no intention of going back. My mental health is already so much better and I feel empowered to say no to the consumerism tactics of the world. Your article reminds me of the words of Jesus in the Bible when He reminds His followers that if you try to cling to the things of the world to make your own identity, then you will actually be losing your life. If you get your worth in things and appearance, then you forfeit your soul-(mind, will, emotions) which is your true authentic self.
”Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.“
Luke 17:33 NKJV
”For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?“
You’ll find, now that you’ve deleted social media, that you have a shed load of free time you can devote to other things like reading, music, baking, watching a movie etc.
I’ve read so many books since I gave up Facebook in 2018.
Anybody ever seen "Century of the Self" by Adam Curtis? A mind blowing documentary. This shit we have now is an insane version of what started nearly 100 years ago when companies started to market to individuals to try to get them to stand out and buy their identity.
To me the root of this problem can be traced back to materialism, the death of the reality of the spiritual. Our truest identity is spiritual and if that doesn't exist we are groping for something material to fill its place. When God doesn't exist we become gods and creators of our 'selves'.
Yes JR Meyer, that is my hands down favourite doc of all time and has been for many years.
I came here also to say that this isn't some new direction. I try not to imagine a future where the so-called "Race to the Brainstem" and Neuralink and Metverse and Social Credit and all these Techno-Things come together to create a (more) dystopian future where every child is (figuratively) born with an Alien facehugger wrapped around their brainstem. But I can't. That's clearly where we're heading. It's been mapped out by Big VC already.
In my own time (I'm in my 50's), I remember when I first heard that "Science" had proven with neuroimaging that human brains can't tell the difference between feelings for people and feelings for "Brands." That is so wrong and we are so going down the wrong road I thought way back then, and we're still on it.
I only started to find my “true self” again recently, and it didn’t have to do with the Internet, other than pointing me towards trauma-related books, podcasts, and research. I think our authentic selves are fractured and distorted by the performance we give to others—our families, social media, and even platforms like Substack. The journey to find your true self in my experience involves a lot of therapy, sitting with yourself and all the pain and discomfort that brings up, letting go of old patterns that no longer serve us, and eventually emerging as a person ready to be vulnerable and share with communities of our choosing. Other than the cost of therapy and experiences that force reflection and reckoning, there is no price tag on authenticity.
'Fractured and tortured' is a gnostic frame. I think it's better to think of overlapping identities within the Self. It's true we can be caught in performance but there's a tendency to pathologise this when it's part and parcel of human interaction. It's like the Ego in Buddhism, something useful that serves as long as we don't become attached.
Well in my view, the contrast between a true authentic self and 'fractured and tortured' invites a dualistic splitting existentially, a kind of Manicheism. There may be truth to it but I think the question is how to resolve it. My sense is that gnostic framings can give rise to 'transcendence as escape' narratives. It's also tempting to turn the noticing of our brokenness into a fetish.
My take is heaven is here on earth as it were, we come to terms with what is at the same time as seeking to transcend.
Do either of you have resources for overlapping identities within the Self? I’m starting to explore this next on my journey and am a tiny bit familiar with IFS and Jungian archetypes. I would love to read more about this.
This was really powerful. As someone else said, it hit hard. I'm in my early 30s now and I find it amazing how the marketing has gone from "flawless lashes that look fake", "get the look" to "be your authentic self" I think this is even worse! I hate what social media is doing to girls, too. I only had teen mags to make me think about my appearance. I couldn't imagine the hell of having Tiktok on my phone while also going through the most insecure and vulnerable period of my life.
Love this article! This is why I believe it’s so important everyone spends some introspection time and sit down with themselves to align with their own values, goals and get to know themselves. Social media and marketing can be dangerous. After all, it is quite the opposite of being authentic if you’re going along with someone else’s definition of being authentic (ex. You have to buy this makeup and wear these clothes if you want to be authentic). Keep up the amazing work, Freya!
Very needed commentary. To touch on the contentious trans part of the essay, I can't help but think that the solution is to lower the bar to "pass." It's not 100% of thr demand, but as I understand it, a lot of trans people are interested in surgery just because there are so many benefits to passing over not. If we make a conscious effort to accept people who conform less with traditional gender norms in general, it'll help both trans and cis people.
I agree in general, I'm not sure this applies to the example depicted at the top of the page though. She presents herself more like a Barbie doll than a typical woman, like she's more interested in embodying the platonic ideal rather than the dull, everyday version of womanhood that most women experience. If passing is about blending in; well, she wants to stand out.
(Perhaps it is useful to identify the even more contentious notion of autogynephilia as a separate phenomenon to other types of transgenderism? I have more thinking to do on this.)
I strongly prefer the laissez-faire approach, in part because I'm not sure that I understand anyone's motivations that well, especially based on how they present themselves on social media. Even if we want to make a concerted effort to reduce the demand for plastic surgery, I think part of that would ideally be to convince transwomen going for over-the-top femininity that they can do so without FFS, top surgery, etc. My perception is that trans people who don't feel the need to do much to socially or medically transition are some of the furthest away from full public acceptance, and somewhat controversial in trans communities besides. It would be good for our culture to send more of a message that being trans doesn't require a massive and medicalized journey into self-discovery.
Sometimes you need to use the terms trans and cis for clarity, but I agree, generally you should just refer to trans women and cis wowen as women and trans men and cis men as men.
Mmm, careful there. This is not about whether “natural” vs “purchased” beauty is more attractive.
Quite the opposite.
Comments like yours—“I prefer women without makeup”, “I woke up like this”, “it’s a natural/nude look”—are what have perpetuated this immense pressure on women, queer folk, etc. to purchase so-called authentic beauty in the first place
You’re right, my original comment was a bit condescending. But I’d like to try again.
I really believe the point of the article is about finding beauty inside of ourselves, rather than basing it on what other people want. That’s why, whether it’s the media or an average Joe saying it, commenting on what is most outwardly attractive is opposite to the message in the original post.
I wish people were more honest with themselves on the inside.
What’s the saying.
If you don’t love yourself then how can you expect others to love you.
I hated myseif when I was at school because I was bullied for the way I looked. It was girls that bullied me. Sad I know.
I feel like you maybe don’t love yourself as much as you should and that’s why you have an Ai generated pic buuuuuuut you could also be protecting your identity like I am 😂.
That's slightly misleading. It's true that men prefer to BE with women who don't have to put on a mask every day, but the effects of makeup (and other beauty and fashion strategies) still have a profound - and physiological - effect on men.
Make up speaks directly to deep hard wiring in the human brain and nervous system. Red lips, flushed cheeks, dark eyes signal natural feminine facial colouring and youth ... but they also signal sexual arousal - as well as peak fertility (ovulation).
A fully made up face (excluding goth!) signals I'm female, young, fertile, horny and ovulating!
A direct comparison with men doesn't really work, but walking around with a fully made up face (red lips, cheeks, eyeshadow) is kind of like a man walking about with an obvious boner (like a pair of socks stuffed in his pants), as well as wads of cash sticking out of his pockets, fake muscles and a Ferrari parked out front.
There is a reason why the cosmetics industry is so massive :)
It's a shame we don't speak honestly about make up and its huge power. Most women lose their sexual market value (and thus social power) very quickly, but make up is soooooo good these days that the illusion of youth (and fertility) can be extended for at least another decade. The problem is the wall only hits harder when it does hit. Make up is a giant elastic band tied to your youth, but eventually it snaps. Eventually the filter stops working.
Men desire minimal make up AND beauty....... which is just a convoluted way of saying men desire YOUTH!!! (fertility).
Most men don't want a caked up whore look, as I am sure you are aware. As natural as possible, with the caveat you mentioned, that men pursue youth and beauty. Insomuch as cosmetics help with that, and are not perceived as fake, then there is a certain amount a woman can get away with.
And indeed there is no male equivalent as women seek authenticity in men. Wigs, corsets, lifts in shoes etc. are all perceived as cheating.
No it isnt. It is their own vanity. They have agency and they make choices. If their locus of control is outside, and they seek reassurance from others, other people's tastes will dictate their own. That's their problem not anyone else's.
You say body transformation is decided by someone’s vanity alone, but then go on to say it is due to a desire for external approval. So, don’t you think it’s both? This issue is a combination of internal beliefs and external pressures.
It is indeed an avatar, but I am a woman. Praising natural beauty is great, but it often has more to do with a man’s sexual preferences than an earnest attempt to lift up women.
Sure, I have been told in person that I’d be “prettier without makeup”, but I’ve also been told I’d be prettier with a tan, and a bigger bust, and with less body hair. Those traits are my natural beauty, but society still wants me to change them. So is it really embracing natural beauty if someone only celebrates the natural beauty that they happen to like?
I prefer little to no makeup on a woman. I am a guy. For me it has to do with kissing someone with and without makeup. And I like women as they are. You don’t have to change and become something you aren’t. Although….hairy legs? Nope.
Men will say they prefer my "natural" eyebrows, but I get them waxed because I don't like having a unibrow (which they don't like, even though it's "natural")
My heart breaks for those who have sunk thousands of dollars into finding their “true self,” only to discover on the other side that they are still hurting, still struggling, still lost, still isolated—still unsure who they are and where to go next.
OK, maybe we do need to ban TikTok. Just end it. The kids will have to rant on Facebook like the olds. Maybe we all need to be spending more time with family anyway.
Love this! You are who you are in relation to others - mother, daughter, wife, friend, colleague, therapist. Would we bother doing anything worthwhile if there weren't others around to witness, experience, benefit from our actions?
Interesting point about trans being another demographic for companies to sell to - maybe more susceptible to their marketing tactics as they 'find' themselves.
The level of self-absorption never ceases to amaze. Neither does the superficial care for others.
I find it deeply ironic and disturbing that so many "authentic selves" all start to look the same... nothing "authentic" about that. I believe trans folks when they tell us who they are (hell, my soul is fairly androgynous and I'm not a fan of binaries much anyway though I know it's important for others) and I wish we were using this moment to expand what women, men, nonvinary folks look like rather than pushing everyone into tighter boxes. If some trans women want breast implants, sure, lots of women get breast implants (and entirely different topic but I despise parents who give their daughters breat enhancement surgery as like a graduation present, ick). And also, some women enjoy having smaller breasts. Some folks enjoy not having breasts, especially if they've got back pain. I just believe in bodily autonomy, but we don't really have that if we're being sold (coerced) to look one specific way, especially while vulnerable and young and in bodies that are rapidly and disconcertingly changing.
You write, "But being comfortable in your body isn’t expensive. That’s a convenient and lucrative lie. It’s not expensive; it’s difficult. It’s extremely difficult to accept yourself. Impossible, even. The only way to get anywhere close to self-acceptance is to earn it, to become someone deserving of it."
This reminded me of a famous exchange from a hundred-year-old children's book: "'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long times, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.' 'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.' 'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'
'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long times. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.'" -Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit--who in the story becomes a real rabbit after he has ceased to be a purchased toy.
I can't read that book to a child or anyone else without getting a hitch in my voice.
I have never heard of this book before. Read one excerpt that you shared and ordered the 100th anniversary hardcover edition just now. Something about these few lines tells me that I'd cherish this book for a long time, maybe even read to my or my friends' children. Thank you for sharing 🤍
I’m so happy to hear that! Obviously, I love this book. I hope you will, too. Thank you for sharing!
Such a beautiful sentiment, I teared up. The last time my mum read that book to me it was over two decades ago and soon it'll be time for me to take care of her :') Thanks for your comment
This is an amazing article! You wrote exactly what has been on my mind lately. I deleted my social media apps 10 days ago and have no intention of going back. My mental health is already so much better and I feel empowered to say no to the consumerism tactics of the world. Your article reminds me of the words of Jesus in the Bible when He reminds His followers that if you try to cling to the things of the world to make your own identity, then you will actually be losing your life. If you get your worth in things and appearance, then you forfeit your soul-(mind, will, emotions) which is your true authentic self.
”Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.“
Luke 17:33 NKJV
”For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?“
Mark 8:36 NKJV
God bless ❤️
You’ll find, now that you’ve deleted social media, that you have a shed load of free time you can devote to other things like reading, music, baking, watching a movie etc.
I’ve read so many books since I gave up Facebook in 2018.
I'm not on social media but Substack and Youtube documentaries are just as addictive.
Social media is one thing but other parts of the internet, such as Substack, are just as addictive.
Anybody ever seen "Century of the Self" by Adam Curtis? A mind blowing documentary. This shit we have now is an insane version of what started nearly 100 years ago when companies started to market to individuals to try to get them to stand out and buy their identity.
To me the root of this problem can be traced back to materialism, the death of the reality of the spiritual. Our truest identity is spiritual and if that doesn't exist we are groping for something material to fill its place. When God doesn't exist we become gods and creators of our 'selves'.
Lord have mercy
Yes JR Meyer, that is my hands down favourite doc of all time and has been for many years.
I came here also to say that this isn't some new direction. I try not to imagine a future where the so-called "Race to the Brainstem" and Neuralink and Metverse and Social Credit and all these Techno-Things come together to create a (more) dystopian future where every child is (figuratively) born with an Alien facehugger wrapped around their brainstem. But I can't. That's clearly where we're heading. It's been mapped out by Big VC already.
In my own time (I'm in my 50's), I remember when I first heard that "Science" had proven with neuroimaging that human brains can't tell the difference between feelings for people and feelings for "Brands." That is so wrong and we are so going down the wrong road I thought way back then, and we're still on it.
I only started to find my “true self” again recently, and it didn’t have to do with the Internet, other than pointing me towards trauma-related books, podcasts, and research. I think our authentic selves are fractured and distorted by the performance we give to others—our families, social media, and even platforms like Substack. The journey to find your true self in my experience involves a lot of therapy, sitting with yourself and all the pain and discomfort that brings up, letting go of old patterns that no longer serve us, and eventually emerging as a person ready to be vulnerable and share with communities of our choosing. Other than the cost of therapy and experiences that force reflection and reckoning, there is no price tag on authenticity.
'Fractured and tortured' is a gnostic frame. I think it's better to think of overlapping identities within the Self. It's true we can be caught in performance but there's a tendency to pathologise this when it's part and parcel of human interaction. It's like the Ego in Buddhism, something useful that serves as long as we don't become attached.
"'Fractured and tortured' is a gnostic frame."
So?
Well in my view, the contrast between a true authentic self and 'fractured and tortured' invites a dualistic splitting existentially, a kind of Manicheism. There may be truth to it but I think the question is how to resolve it. My sense is that gnostic framings can give rise to 'transcendence as escape' narratives. It's also tempting to turn the noticing of our brokenness into a fetish.
My take is heaven is here on earth as it were, we come to terms with what is at the same time as seeking to transcend.
Do either of you have resources for overlapping identities within the Self? I’m starting to explore this next on my journey and am a tiny bit familiar with IFS and Jungian archetypes. I would love to read more about this.
This was really powerful. As someone else said, it hit hard. I'm in my early 30s now and I find it amazing how the marketing has gone from "flawless lashes that look fake", "get the look" to "be your authentic self" I think this is even worse! I hate what social media is doing to girls, too. I only had teen mags to make me think about my appearance. I couldn't imagine the hell of having Tiktok on my phone while also going through the most insecure and vulnerable period of my life.
Let's not forget all the filters that make you look perfect without much effort.
Fuck, this hit hard. Thanks again for making this girl dad tear up and think deeply.
Love this article! This is why I believe it’s so important everyone spends some introspection time and sit down with themselves to align with their own values, goals and get to know themselves. Social media and marketing can be dangerous. After all, it is quite the opposite of being authentic if you’re going along with someone else’s definition of being authentic (ex. You have to buy this makeup and wear these clothes if you want to be authentic). Keep up the amazing work, Freya!
Very needed commentary. To touch on the contentious trans part of the essay, I can't help but think that the solution is to lower the bar to "pass." It's not 100% of thr demand, but as I understand it, a lot of trans people are interested in surgery just because there are so many benefits to passing over not. If we make a conscious effort to accept people who conform less with traditional gender norms in general, it'll help both trans and cis people.
I agree in general, I'm not sure this applies to the example depicted at the top of the page though. She presents herself more like a Barbie doll than a typical woman, like she's more interested in embodying the platonic ideal rather than the dull, everyday version of womanhood that most women experience. If passing is about blending in; well, she wants to stand out.
(Perhaps it is useful to identify the even more contentious notion of autogynephilia as a separate phenomenon to other types of transgenderism? I have more thinking to do on this.)
I strongly prefer the laissez-faire approach, in part because I'm not sure that I understand anyone's motivations that well, especially based on how they present themselves on social media. Even if we want to make a concerted effort to reduce the demand for plastic surgery, I think part of that would ideally be to convince transwomen going for over-the-top femininity that they can do so without FFS, top surgery, etc. My perception is that trans people who don't feel the need to do much to socially or medically transition are some of the furthest away from full public acceptance, and somewhat controversial in trans communities besides. It would be good for our culture to send more of a message that being trans doesn't require a massive and medicalized journey into self-discovery.
Why have you accepted the trans concept and language by using cis?What’s wrong with the ‘old fashioned’ word woman?
Sometimes you need to use the terms trans and cis for clarity, but I agree, generally you should just refer to trans women and cis wowen as women and trans men and cis men as men.
"I seriously doubt your authentic self consists of the parts of you other people can buy!" 🎯
What happened to “natural beauty”?
Even people like Kate Beckensale, who I think is one of the most beautiful women ever, are using surgeries now.
Mmm, careful there. This is not about whether “natural” vs “purchased” beauty is more attractive.
Quite the opposite.
Comments like yours—“I prefer women without makeup”, “I woke up like this”, “it’s a natural/nude look”—are what have perpetuated this immense pressure on women, queer folk, etc. to purchase so-called authentic beauty in the first place
Please don’t tell me to “be careful”. I’ll voice what I want thank you very much.
I do prefer natural beauty to some of the monstrosities that I’ve seen men AND women turning themselves into.
It’s not me that’s perpetuated anything. It’s fashion magazines and Hollywood.
Not Joe blogs who fixes the toilet.
You’re right, my original comment was a bit condescending. But I’d like to try again.
I really believe the point of the article is about finding beauty inside of ourselves, rather than basing it on what other people want. That’s why, whether it’s the media or an average Joe saying it, commenting on what is most outwardly attractive is opposite to the message in the original post.
I wish people were more honest with themselves on the inside.
What’s the saying.
If you don’t love yourself then how can you expect others to love you.
I hated myseif when I was at school because I was bullied for the way I looked. It was girls that bullied me. Sad I know.
I feel like you maybe don’t love yourself as much as you should and that’s why you have an Ai generated pic buuuuuuut you could also be protecting your identity like I am 😂.
I hope you have a nice Friday!
Almost all men prefer women with minimal makeup. That has been established for fifty plus years. It is actually quite flattering to women I think.
Men prefer makeup that isn't so obvious that even men notice it). They prefer the "no-makeup look" but that's not the same as no makeup!
Yes, when men say they prefer women ‘natural’, they are often clueless as to how much ‘natural’ costs
That's slightly misleading. It's true that men prefer to BE with women who don't have to put on a mask every day, but the effects of makeup (and other beauty and fashion strategies) still have a profound - and physiological - effect on men.
Make up speaks directly to deep hard wiring in the human brain and nervous system. Red lips, flushed cheeks, dark eyes signal natural feminine facial colouring and youth ... but they also signal sexual arousal - as well as peak fertility (ovulation).
A fully made up face (excluding goth!) signals I'm female, young, fertile, horny and ovulating!
A direct comparison with men doesn't really work, but walking around with a fully made up face (red lips, cheeks, eyeshadow) is kind of like a man walking about with an obvious boner (like a pair of socks stuffed in his pants), as well as wads of cash sticking out of his pockets, fake muscles and a Ferrari parked out front.
There is a reason why the cosmetics industry is so massive :)
It's a shame we don't speak honestly about make up and its huge power. Most women lose their sexual market value (and thus social power) very quickly, but make up is soooooo good these days that the illusion of youth (and fertility) can be extended for at least another decade. The problem is the wall only hits harder when it does hit. Make up is a giant elastic band tied to your youth, but eventually it snaps. Eventually the filter stops working.
Men desire minimal make up AND beauty....... which is just a convoluted way of saying men desire YOUTH!!! (fertility).
All you really did there is agree with me, lol.
Most men don't want a caked up whore look, as I am sure you are aware. As natural as possible, with the caveat you mentioned, that men pursue youth and beauty. Insomuch as cosmetics help with that, and are not perceived as fake, then there is a certain amount a woman can get away with.
And indeed there is no male equivalent as women seek authenticity in men. Wigs, corsets, lifts in shoes etc. are all perceived as cheating.
No it isnt. It is their own vanity. They have agency and they make choices. If their locus of control is outside, and they seek reassurance from others, other people's tastes will dictate their own. That's their problem not anyone else's.
You say body transformation is decided by someone’s vanity alone, but then go on to say it is due to a desire for external approval. So, don’t you think it’s both? This issue is a combination of internal beliefs and external pressures.
I don't care. The point is I am not responsible for them and nor are you.
You are inserting yourself into a three-way interaction to make a point. So don't. I'm not interested.
Says the person with a female avatar that’s probably a guy. Of course you’re triggered by someone praising natural female beauty.
It is indeed an avatar, but I am a woman. Praising natural beauty is great, but it often has more to do with a man’s sexual preferences than an earnest attempt to lift up women.
Sure, I have been told in person that I’d be “prettier without makeup”, but I’ve also been told I’d be prettier with a tan, and a bigger bust, and with less body hair. Those traits are my natural beauty, but society still wants me to change them. So is it really embracing natural beauty if someone only celebrates the natural beauty that they happen to like?
I prefer little to no makeup on a woman. I am a guy. For me it has to do with kissing someone with and without makeup. And I like women as they are. You don’t have to change and become something you aren’t. Although….hairy legs? Nope.
Men will say they prefer my "natural" eyebrows, but I get them waxed because I don't like having a unibrow (which they don't like, even though it's "natural")
That’s what I was thinking. I mean, spending a fortune to have some ‘perfect’ face?
My heart breaks for those who have sunk thousands of dollars into finding their “true self,” only to discover on the other side that they are still hurting, still struggling, still lost, still isolated—still unsure who they are and where to go next.
OK, maybe we do need to ban TikTok. Just end it. The kids will have to rant on Facebook like the olds. Maybe we all need to be spending more time with family anyway.
Thats funny.
Love this! You are who you are in relation to others - mother, daughter, wife, friend, colleague, therapist. Would we bother doing anything worthwhile if there weren't others around to witness, experience, benefit from our actions?
Interesting point about trans being another demographic for companies to sell to - maybe more susceptible to their marketing tactics as they 'find' themselves.
The level of self-absorption never ceases to amaze. Neither does the superficial care for others.
Keep up the great writing :)
I find it deeply ironic and disturbing that so many "authentic selves" all start to look the same... nothing "authentic" about that. I believe trans folks when they tell us who they are (hell, my soul is fairly androgynous and I'm not a fan of binaries much anyway though I know it's important for others) and I wish we were using this moment to expand what women, men, nonvinary folks look like rather than pushing everyone into tighter boxes. If some trans women want breast implants, sure, lots of women get breast implants (and entirely different topic but I despise parents who give their daughters breat enhancement surgery as like a graduation present, ick). And also, some women enjoy having smaller breasts. Some folks enjoy not having breasts, especially if they've got back pain. I just believe in bodily autonomy, but we don't really have that if we're being sold (coerced) to look one specific way, especially while vulnerable and young and in bodies that are rapidly and disconcertingly changing.
Funny how the “true way” to find yourself is becoming a lifelong consumer.
You can’t sell free. And there is one tried and true method to find yourself that’s always free… through Christ.
Thanks for sharing Freya. This is something I’ve been trying to wrap my head around for a while re trans marketing and you’ve made such clear points.