Thank you for this post! I can relate to it so much.
My life used to be dictated by social media. Everything had to be Instagrammable and pretty. I realized that I was losing myself in the process of pleasing the world. So one day, I archived all my Instagram photos and cleaned my Facebook feed to the point that there's nothing there. And oh my god - the freedom...
Last weekend, I went to a cafe and actually enjoyed the coffee and the book I was reading instead of orchestrating the perfect angle, filter, preset of that one perfect photo I'll be posting on my feed. I looked out the window, contemplated, and relaxed, instead of getting all antsy about who commented on my post and how many likes I got. I'm so glad I left social media and never looked back.
I sometimes wonder if social media has actually just drugified an old human impulse. People have always wanted to be βknownβ for something. To be remembered, to stake claim in othersβ cognitive real-estate, to become a staple. But this was once executed by grand achievements or a life dedicated to backbreaking work- and it wasnβt pursued by everyone. Now, the pursuit of praise has a shorter lifespan, and even more frivolous antecedents. Now, rather than the desire to be known having its root in a sort of subclinical narcissism which was reserved for only some, it has become a part of assimilating into Western culture. People, as you have pointed out, are becoming conditioned from day one to seek fleeting praise and affection from strangers, and to exploit every moment for the dopaminergic rush of attention.
I find myself equally guilty. And unfortunately, the very platform that we are communicating on has made large strides towards acting more as a social media landscape than a literary one.
As always, your thoughts strike at something deep within our cultural moment.
Your point about this platform moving in the same direction, piqued my interest because the same thought (more of a question mark) had occurred to me recently. Though I'm not sure it ever claimed to be a literary landscape exclusively and if I remember correctly, the aim was to be the 'new' social media where writers gain their own audience / community, rather than baiting a hook into the void to see who bites. I have found some wonderful writers on this platform, including Freya, that I would not otherwise have come across because they would have been lost to me in the sea of bilge that is 'old' social media, where I no longer swim.....
Fair point. Perhaps I have misinterpreted intended use, and painted this platform in a cynical light. I think that my concern that this is turning in a potentially negative direction has stemmed primarily from the "notes" function, which can be useful, but also appears eerily similar to tweeting. I also feel that whenever there is a competitive marketplace for attention, a similar dynamic to social media will likely ensue. Who doesn't want to get "likes" and comments on their work, or to gain a new subscriber? And How many people are sucked into the comparison trap on here, much like other social-platforms.
However, I see your point. I have been exposed to truly great writing on here, have learned a lot from others, and see a much more useful flow of information that on other platforms. All of this to say, you have added some warranted nuance to my comment, so thank you!
Aha! I haven't even looked at the notes function yet, that's probably why I wasn't seeing what you were. As you can tell from my tardy response to your post, I'm not online every day, much less checking my SubStack for likes and comments π€π€£
However, as I said above, the thought still crossed my mind and I think that was based on all the marketing and promotion emails coming directly from SubStack. I get where they're coming from - it's a business like any other and happy customers means more revenue. Still, I don't think I'd be so positive if it becomes anything like the Twitterverse!
I guess we'll just have to watch this space, as they say...
I like your respectful and thoughtful response to my comment btw π
Excellent articulation of what I see on a daily basis. I'm from Gen X so I didn't grow up with the Internet nor the desire to even take photos nor write down my daily life. I purchased my first digital camera when my oldest kids were young and took exclusively photos of them for the future. To this day, I don't take selfies. I don't see the need to view photos of my self daily in the future. I'll never look at the photos again. I agree that narcissism is at the core of this issue plus minor bursts of pleasure-enhancing brain chemicals. I long for the future of society to back away from social media, embrace life in a deeply personal manner, and let go of this constant need for attention.
Iβm weirdly proud to say I have never taken a selfie . I have never been on Facebook, and do not have an Instagram or TikTok account. I remember feeling very alienated 15 years ago when social media and smartphones exploded into the mainstream . I realized that the cultural and psychological implications were going to be profoundly damaging. And I take no pleasure in the fact that I was right. I have no problem with texting, and do have an iPhone. My camera roll is extremely small compared to others.
Feeding the need for external validation as a means to regulate oneβs self esteem is a very dangerous path. An inner sense of self never develops. We are seeing this in our young people and it is terrifying.
You sound like a wise lady, Alyson. I understand the alienation as it's FOMO (fear of missing out), that every human experiences. I value sites like Facebook (and MySpace way back) as they've allowed me to reconnect with people from high school and college who I would never, otherwise, know anything about. FB has spawned a few reconnects and allowed me to meet up with old friends a time or two. Otherwise, I don't see the need for Instagram, SnapChat, or TikTok (hell no) as they accomplish nothing beyond FB and would simply be a continuous time suck. I'm 47 now but in my early 20s, I was a social guy enjoying every event I could go to. I loved interacting with people face-to-face. Texting didn't even become a thing until my late 20s. I still long for people to pick up the phone instead of always texting. I get that it's efficient but hearing someone's voice is far more personal obviously.
I have a 9 yr old daughter who asks me for a smartphone weekly. It drives me insane that other parents are allowing their young children into this rabbit hole of social media, online gaming, and staring at a screen in lieu of real relationships. I always explain to my daughter that I'm protecting her from social contagion, online predators, and generally trying to preserve her innocence as long as possible. I don't see a single benefit that outweighs the cons of online access. She has vetted access to the internet for school purposes but nothing else. I'll absorb the guilt trips and take the hit as the "mean parent" if it means protecting her. She will understand one day.
I am in the same boat. Honestly, feel betrayed and undermined by both the schools and the other parents. The schools introduced my 8 year old son to tablets and videogames. We made a deliberate, international choice to withhold access to both. The school gave him a tablet and let him play video games. Not even education stuff, just entertainment, during regularly scheduled "free choice" periods. I was shocked. We'll pulling him from the public school system and placing him in the Catholic school in which I was educated in my youth. This will be a major financial strain, but we believe it will be worthwhile.
I honestly do not understand why parents give elementary school kids smartphones. I ask this question bluntly, and the response is always the same - everyone else has one. Everyone's reason is everyone else having them!
My kids will be little weirdo's. I'm sure this will "traumatize" them. So be it. The alternative is worse. And eventually, they will find their tribe.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. My oldest daughter attending the same public schools I did growing up. After watching her horrendous experience and how much the public schools have declined, the remaining 4 of my children have all attended Catholic school. I'll never look back. It's private or home schooling.
I feel there are too many teachers and administrators that are incapable of saying "no" and believe they need to be friends to these children. This includes many parents. It's your job to be the stable rock in their lives. They will upset in the moment but long-term will appreciate the dedication to keeping them safe. I have a 10 yr old girl who will be entering fifth grade. She mentions a phone once per week. Once per week, I explain to her why it's unnecessary and bad for her overall health. It's the FOMO (fear of missing out) that affects most of the children. I happily welcome my kids to be part of the "not cool" crowd if that means subjecting them to the world's fetishes via smartphone. You're in good company, Stephen. Keep up the good work.
Drugs in small doses are usually good medicine. Ergo for socmed to have a value it must be used judiciously, not for titillation, n'est ce pas. Peace, Maurice
As a 72 year old man who is a keen photographer, I took it as obvious that I would photograph our first child immediately after birth. This was in 1989 before the internet and online social media, etc.
What actually happened was that I was so overawed by the experienced of her being born and taking her first breaths, etc. that I forgot about the camera altogether!
And when the midwife reminded me, I replied that it was too important to waste time taking pictures.
The best decision I could have made because we lived the moment and I still shed tears of joy when I remember it. It's our moment; not anybody else's.
"The most meaningful experiences in human lifeβthings that happen once, twice, never againβcorrupted by thoughts like is the camera getting my good angle."
With marriage & parenthood becoming things we perform after a billion years of postponing and planning and optimizing just right..... it's not surprising but still so sad to see these sacred moments commodified.
Our engagement was quiet and spur of the moment β it involved a beautiful morning with a walk in the woods together, reading a handwritten letter, just a uniquely special and emotionally charged experience we could enjoy at our own pace together. What a loss to have corrupted it with a full photo shoot and worries about it being captured just right. Same for honeymoons and pregnancies (and other non-marriage-related experiences). These are super special and human experiences that only happen "once, twice, never again..." and some rewiring of our brains will be required to see them as those tender experiences they are.
I deleted all social media in summer of 2023 (all I had left was Instagram and BeReal) and although it has been overall an extremely positive thing, I do struggle with the concept if it wasnβt posted / shared then does it even exist, especially as life is so fleeting. I bought a vintage film camera to document things instead but itβs something that I do think about. I am trying to concentrate on how life feels instead of what it looks like, but it is a huge transition and something I underestimated.
Something I find helpful is the idea that maybe all the documentation is actually shaping our memories, and maybe our memories would do better without it sometimes. I feel like I'm more likely to remember how something *actually felt* if it hasn't been documented, because when it has, I can never be sure that what I'm remembering the moment itself, or the fact it's in a picture.
I tried doing the same and i realised that it is not an easy feat, especially with the world becoming ever so more digital, no one wants to be the black sheep; the weirdo that doesn't have a digital presence. I think you put it so well saying "trying to concentrate on how life feels instead of what it looks like", because when we will be at your last moments i doubt we will ever going to say "i wish i had filmed that beautiful sunset" but rather, we will wish we had taken the time to appreciate the serenity that the mesmerising colour of the sun made us feel. There, in the stillness of the moment, when you and everyone around you became silent just for a few seconds and you all shared this unique moment in time as you watched the sun complete a phase of its perennial cycle.
We should normalise living (feeling) and not filming (wanting others to see that we are living).
As a woman in her late 40s, I can't relate to this concept of "if it wasn't posted/shared then does it even exist." Most of the formative events in my life weren't filmed/posted/shared, but they still shaped who I am. The good and the bad in your life leave indelible marks in your memory, personality, and wisdom. Also, we all have to come to terms with the reality that we can't stop time, we can't go back, and that nostalgia can be a siren's song. We can't trap important moments in a bottle and possess them. Sorry for the tangent. I'm wondering if the "does it even exist" question is another way of expressing the loneliness and alienation that besets us in this smartphone addicted age? Somehow, people have imbibed this lie - this artificial belief - that 'if I don't have social media, then I don't exist.' That is an untrue and inhuman belief.
I would compare it to 'If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?'. If you've grown up in a forest of social media, it's difficult to transition, even though of course it has made the sound
Thanks for your continued work of exposing how social media acts to distort our basic humanity, from welcoming a new life into the world to grieving the loss of a loved one and anything in between. The content you present should be an essential ingredient for developing school curricula on social media education.
Voices like yours are invaluable in helping the current generation recognize the depths of human distortion that social media helps to create. Peco and I are currently preparing a series of "Letters from the Unconformed", in which we aim to address problems and concerns raised by readers with regard to digital devices and new/emerging technologies (see https://schooloftheunconformed.substack.com/p/stepping-into-the-new-year-whats). We are planning interviews with writers who are addressing particular issues, so as to help provide a variety of perspectives. Let me know if you would be interested in participating as part of this interview series :) (You can contact me directly at schooloftheunconformed@proton.me)
This sounds wonderful! I love the variety of people speaking into different issues of The Machine and society these days. It's especially helpful, I think, to have a young voice like Freya - we need the perspectives of *all* ages and walks of life and I love that her nearness to the younger generations brings its own unique validity.
Yes, I hope it'll be an insightful, engaging series. Next week, Tessa Carman (I believe you met her at the FTP conference), will be addressing questions readers raised about the Postman Pledge and tech use within the family.
Another part of the problem is that we insist on tokenizing everything. People tokenize memories so that they can collect them like butterflies, even though they're most likely never going to look back on them.
People record things because it gives them a sense of power over the moment. Like that New Year's Eve event in France (that video was horrifying). It gives people a sense of power and control to record the concert, the event, even though it's likely already being recorded professionally and 12 hours from now is literally never going to be relevant again.
It's a form of competition, of course, for status or a sense of status. But it's also just a sign that people's lives are so empty that they have to collect tokens to make them feel like they aren't.
Which of course makes the problem worse. Tokenizing your life completely removes the magic from it.
I have a nearly 14-year old son and I wish I could gift him my anonymous, messy 90βs teen years. The best I can do right now is model living my life off social media and being present as much as I can with him. So many parents are half present--I swear, your kid will grow up so fast. Instagram isnβt half as exciting as watching a human become an adult, and getting to know them at each stage.
I will be reading this out loud to my daughters on our snow day at home today. I need to read it to myself as well, as a mom who became enamored with social media ten years ago and was the mom scrolling instagram while her daughter nursed to pass the long nights. Now I see that my daughters feel like they must document their days- share details with strangers. Itβs sad and I want to scream this from the rooftops.
Freya, thank you. As the grandmother of a Gen z girl I find myself often wanting to scream at her when I see her instagram posts. She has both inner and outer beauty, yet feels as if she needs to compete - not with other young women for men, but with other women, period. Praying that posts reach far & wide, and make an impact.
Of course it would be best for your granddaughter to get off social media but since she has it ....You are so lucky your granddaughter trusts you to see her Instagram! I can't see my daughter's :(
Very scary when you think about it. I wonder if there is a generational or personality difference when it comes to how one uses and consumes social media? It is disturbing to see intimate moments filmed and broadcast and I find it surprising so many people donβt realized content is planned and staged?
I am only on one social media platform and I do enjoy it. While I donβt post everything going on I am guilty of posting mundane things/things I enjoy. The difference maybe is I do go back and look at memories and old posts. Iβve gotten away from printing out photos and looking through my old posts I love seeing photos of my not so small babies when they were small or friends and our adventures of the past. I find I enjoy looking back at posts with people on them more and I donβt look back on stuff like what I ate recipes I tried.
The one thing I think might disagree with you on is the value social media can have for creatives and artists. I really enjoy seeing people's art pieces and projects as they unfold and I canβt think of any other way Iβd have access to that. Liken ordinary people with talent - theyβre not going to be showing at a gallery maybe a local coffee shop but then I wouldnβt have access.
TikTok and peoples obsession with it frighten me - I have a middle aged family member who is always trying to make their videos go viral (not a business account) and I always wonder why. WHY?? what do you get out of it? I find the people around me consume social media much more than they post, most donβt post at all.
I agree with everything you wrote. This flaunting and revealing everything you do is so low class I can't imagine how desperate these people must be for attention.
I love this post! It's such an important conversation, for everyone. It's fascinating how we feel the need to externalise every moment of our existence, whilst taking us out of the actual moment.
Thank you for this post! I can relate to it so much.
My life used to be dictated by social media. Everything had to be Instagrammable and pretty. I realized that I was losing myself in the process of pleasing the world. So one day, I archived all my Instagram photos and cleaned my Facebook feed to the point that there's nothing there. And oh my god - the freedom...
Last weekend, I went to a cafe and actually enjoyed the coffee and the book I was reading instead of orchestrating the perfect angle, filter, preset of that one perfect photo I'll be posting on my feed. I looked out the window, contemplated, and relaxed, instead of getting all antsy about who commented on my post and how many likes I got. I'm so glad I left social media and never looked back.
That is wonderful! Keep on enjoying it and push through the temptation to return, which may arise in moments of boredom or from habit.
I love this and I definitely agree! Itβs a scary place to get caught up in online!
I sometimes wonder if social media has actually just drugified an old human impulse. People have always wanted to be βknownβ for something. To be remembered, to stake claim in othersβ cognitive real-estate, to become a staple. But this was once executed by grand achievements or a life dedicated to backbreaking work- and it wasnβt pursued by everyone. Now, the pursuit of praise has a shorter lifespan, and even more frivolous antecedents. Now, rather than the desire to be known having its root in a sort of subclinical narcissism which was reserved for only some, it has become a part of assimilating into Western culture. People, as you have pointed out, are becoming conditioned from day one to seek fleeting praise and affection from strangers, and to exploit every moment for the dopaminergic rush of attention.
I find myself equally guilty. And unfortunately, the very platform that we are communicating on has made large strides towards acting more as a social media landscape than a literary one.
As always, your thoughts strike at something deep within our cultural moment.
Your point about this platform moving in the same direction, piqued my interest because the same thought (more of a question mark) had occurred to me recently. Though I'm not sure it ever claimed to be a literary landscape exclusively and if I remember correctly, the aim was to be the 'new' social media where writers gain their own audience / community, rather than baiting a hook into the void to see who bites. I have found some wonderful writers on this platform, including Freya, that I would not otherwise have come across because they would have been lost to me in the sea of bilge that is 'old' social media, where I no longer swim.....
Fair point. Perhaps I have misinterpreted intended use, and painted this platform in a cynical light. I think that my concern that this is turning in a potentially negative direction has stemmed primarily from the "notes" function, which can be useful, but also appears eerily similar to tweeting. I also feel that whenever there is a competitive marketplace for attention, a similar dynamic to social media will likely ensue. Who doesn't want to get "likes" and comments on their work, or to gain a new subscriber? And How many people are sucked into the comparison trap on here, much like other social-platforms.
However, I see your point. I have been exposed to truly great writing on here, have learned a lot from others, and see a much more useful flow of information that on other platforms. All of this to say, you have added some warranted nuance to my comment, so thank you!
Aha! I haven't even looked at the notes function yet, that's probably why I wasn't seeing what you were. As you can tell from my tardy response to your post, I'm not online every day, much less checking my SubStack for likes and comments π€π€£
However, as I said above, the thought still crossed my mind and I think that was based on all the marketing and promotion emails coming directly from SubStack. I get where they're coming from - it's a business like any other and happy customers means more revenue. Still, I don't think I'd be so positive if it becomes anything like the Twitterverse!
I guess we'll just have to watch this space, as they say...
I like your respectful and thoughtful response to my comment btw π
Totally agreed with you.
Excellent articulation of what I see on a daily basis. I'm from Gen X so I didn't grow up with the Internet nor the desire to even take photos nor write down my daily life. I purchased my first digital camera when my oldest kids were young and took exclusively photos of them for the future. To this day, I don't take selfies. I don't see the need to view photos of my self daily in the future. I'll never look at the photos again. I agree that narcissism is at the core of this issue plus minor bursts of pleasure-enhancing brain chemicals. I long for the future of society to back away from social media, embrace life in a deeply personal manner, and let go of this constant need for attention.
Iβm weirdly proud to say I have never taken a selfie . I have never been on Facebook, and do not have an Instagram or TikTok account. I remember feeling very alienated 15 years ago when social media and smartphones exploded into the mainstream . I realized that the cultural and psychological implications were going to be profoundly damaging. And I take no pleasure in the fact that I was right. I have no problem with texting, and do have an iPhone. My camera roll is extremely small compared to others.
Feeding the need for external validation as a means to regulate oneβs self esteem is a very dangerous path. An inner sense of self never develops. We are seeing this in our young people and it is terrifying.
You sound like a wise lady, Alyson. I understand the alienation as it's FOMO (fear of missing out), that every human experiences. I value sites like Facebook (and MySpace way back) as they've allowed me to reconnect with people from high school and college who I would never, otherwise, know anything about. FB has spawned a few reconnects and allowed me to meet up with old friends a time or two. Otherwise, I don't see the need for Instagram, SnapChat, or TikTok (hell no) as they accomplish nothing beyond FB and would simply be a continuous time suck. I'm 47 now but in my early 20s, I was a social guy enjoying every event I could go to. I loved interacting with people face-to-face. Texting didn't even become a thing until my late 20s. I still long for people to pick up the phone instead of always texting. I get that it's efficient but hearing someone's voice is far more personal obviously.
I have a 9 yr old daughter who asks me for a smartphone weekly. It drives me insane that other parents are allowing their young children into this rabbit hole of social media, online gaming, and staring at a screen in lieu of real relationships. I always explain to my daughter that I'm protecting her from social contagion, online predators, and generally trying to preserve her innocence as long as possible. I don't see a single benefit that outweighs the cons of online access. She has vetted access to the internet for school purposes but nothing else. I'll absorb the guilt trips and take the hit as the "mean parent" if it means protecting her. She will understand one day.
I am in the same boat. Honestly, feel betrayed and undermined by both the schools and the other parents. The schools introduced my 8 year old son to tablets and videogames. We made a deliberate, international choice to withhold access to both. The school gave him a tablet and let him play video games. Not even education stuff, just entertainment, during regularly scheduled "free choice" periods. I was shocked. We'll pulling him from the public school system and placing him in the Catholic school in which I was educated in my youth. This will be a major financial strain, but we believe it will be worthwhile.
I honestly do not understand why parents give elementary school kids smartphones. I ask this question bluntly, and the response is always the same - everyone else has one. Everyone's reason is everyone else having them!
My kids will be little weirdo's. I'm sure this will "traumatize" them. So be it. The alternative is worse. And eventually, they will find their tribe.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. My oldest daughter attending the same public schools I did growing up. After watching her horrendous experience and how much the public schools have declined, the remaining 4 of my children have all attended Catholic school. I'll never look back. It's private or home schooling.
I feel there are too many teachers and administrators that are incapable of saying "no" and believe they need to be friends to these children. This includes many parents. It's your job to be the stable rock in their lives. They will upset in the moment but long-term will appreciate the dedication to keeping them safe. I have a 10 yr old girl who will be entering fifth grade. She mentions a phone once per week. Once per week, I explain to her why it's unnecessary and bad for her overall health. It's the FOMO (fear of missing out) that affects most of the children. I happily welcome my kids to be part of the "not cool" crowd if that means subjecting them to the world's fetishes via smartphone. You're in good company, Stephen. Keep up the good work.
It used to be someoneβs 15 minutes of fame. Now itβs 15 minutes every day!
Exactly!!
Drugs in small doses are usually good medicine. Ergo for socmed to have a value it must be used judiciously, not for titillation, n'est ce pas. Peace, Maurice
Excellent article, thank you Freya.
As a 72 year old man who is a keen photographer, I took it as obvious that I would photograph our first child immediately after birth. This was in 1989 before the internet and online social media, etc.
What actually happened was that I was so overawed by the experienced of her being born and taking her first breaths, etc. that I forgot about the camera altogether!
And when the midwife reminded me, I replied that it was too important to waste time taking pictures.
The best decision I could have made because we lived the moment and I still shed tears of joy when I remember it. It's our moment; not anybody else's.
'It's our moment; not anybody else's' - exactly this! The definition of intimacy, which is what the oversharers are sacrificing.
Beautiful share, thank you for articulating it so well.
As the dad of a 21 year old girl, it gives me such hope that Freya's out here doing the Lord's work. Thanks for this.
Thank you so much Steve, that's so kind.
She's good, it's been nice to start reading her content. She's got a podcast ep with Zuby too.
AMEN.
Amen!
"The most meaningful experiences in human lifeβthings that happen once, twice, never againβcorrupted by thoughts like is the camera getting my good angle."
With marriage & parenthood becoming things we perform after a billion years of postponing and planning and optimizing just right..... it's not surprising but still so sad to see these sacred moments commodified.
Our engagement was quiet and spur of the moment β it involved a beautiful morning with a walk in the woods together, reading a handwritten letter, just a uniquely special and emotionally charged experience we could enjoy at our own pace together. What a loss to have corrupted it with a full photo shoot and worries about it being captured just right. Same for honeymoons and pregnancies (and other non-marriage-related experiences). These are super special and human experiences that only happen "once, twice, never again..." and some rewiring of our brains will be required to see them as those tender experiences they are.
I deleted all social media in summer of 2023 (all I had left was Instagram and BeReal) and although it has been overall an extremely positive thing, I do struggle with the concept if it wasnβt posted / shared then does it even exist, especially as life is so fleeting. I bought a vintage film camera to document things instead but itβs something that I do think about. I am trying to concentrate on how life feels instead of what it looks like, but it is a huge transition and something I underestimated.
Something I find helpful is the idea that maybe all the documentation is actually shaping our memories, and maybe our memories would do better without it sometimes. I feel like I'm more likely to remember how something *actually felt* if it hasn't been documented, because when it has, I can never be sure that what I'm remembering the moment itself, or the fact it's in a picture.
I tried doing the same and i realised that it is not an easy feat, especially with the world becoming ever so more digital, no one wants to be the black sheep; the weirdo that doesn't have a digital presence. I think you put it so well saying "trying to concentrate on how life feels instead of what it looks like", because when we will be at your last moments i doubt we will ever going to say "i wish i had filmed that beautiful sunset" but rather, we will wish we had taken the time to appreciate the serenity that the mesmerising colour of the sun made us feel. There, in the stillness of the moment, when you and everyone around you became silent just for a few seconds and you all shared this unique moment in time as you watched the sun complete a phase of its perennial cycle.
We should normalise living (feeling) and not filming (wanting others to see that we are living).
As a woman in her late 40s, I can't relate to this concept of "if it wasn't posted/shared then does it even exist." Most of the formative events in my life weren't filmed/posted/shared, but they still shaped who I am. The good and the bad in your life leave indelible marks in your memory, personality, and wisdom. Also, we all have to come to terms with the reality that we can't stop time, we can't go back, and that nostalgia can be a siren's song. We can't trap important moments in a bottle and possess them. Sorry for the tangent. I'm wondering if the "does it even exist" question is another way of expressing the loneliness and alienation that besets us in this smartphone addicted age? Somehow, people have imbibed this lie - this artificial belief - that 'if I don't have social media, then I don't exist.' That is an untrue and inhuman belief.
I would compare it to 'If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?'. If you've grown up in a forest of social media, it's difficult to transition, even though of course it has made the sound
Thanks for your continued work of exposing how social media acts to distort our basic humanity, from welcoming a new life into the world to grieving the loss of a loved one and anything in between. The content you present should be an essential ingredient for developing school curricula on social media education.
Thank you so much for all your support Ruth that really means a lot to hear!
Voices like yours are invaluable in helping the current generation recognize the depths of human distortion that social media helps to create. Peco and I are currently preparing a series of "Letters from the Unconformed", in which we aim to address problems and concerns raised by readers with regard to digital devices and new/emerging technologies (see https://schooloftheunconformed.substack.com/p/stepping-into-the-new-year-whats). We are planning interviews with writers who are addressing particular issues, so as to help provide a variety of perspectives. Let me know if you would be interested in participating as part of this interview series :) (You can contact me directly at schooloftheunconformed@proton.me)
This sounds wonderful! I love the variety of people speaking into different issues of The Machine and society these days. It's especially helpful, I think, to have a young voice like Freya - we need the perspectives of *all* ages and walks of life and I love that her nearness to the younger generations brings its own unique validity.
Yes, I hope it'll be an insightful, engaging series. Next week, Tessa Carman (I believe you met her at the FTP conference), will be addressing questions readers raised about the Postman Pledge and tech use within the family.
FTP Conference?
Should have been FPR conference - Front Porch Republic Conference :) See here https://www.frontporchrepublic.com/2023-conference/
Another part of the problem is that we insist on tokenizing everything. People tokenize memories so that they can collect them like butterflies, even though they're most likely never going to look back on them.
People record things because it gives them a sense of power over the moment. Like that New Year's Eve event in France (that video was horrifying). It gives people a sense of power and control to record the concert, the event, even though it's likely already being recorded professionally and 12 hours from now is literally never going to be relevant again.
It's a form of competition, of course, for status or a sense of status. But it's also just a sign that people's lives are so empty that they have to collect tokens to make them feel like they aren't.
Which of course makes the problem worse. Tokenizing your life completely removes the magic from it.
Thanks Freya
Momentary sense of power..... good thought, well put. Peace, Maurice
I have a nearly 14-year old son and I wish I could gift him my anonymous, messy 90βs teen years. The best I can do right now is model living my life off social media and being present as much as I can with him. So many parents are half present--I swear, your kid will grow up so fast. Instagram isnβt half as exciting as watching a human become an adult, and getting to know them at each stage.
I will be reading this out loud to my daughters on our snow day at home today. I need to read it to myself as well, as a mom who became enamored with social media ten years ago and was the mom scrolling instagram while her daughter nursed to pass the long nights. Now I see that my daughters feel like they must document their days- share details with strangers. Itβs sad and I want to scream this from the rooftops.
Hilary,
Please don't forget to film and post your daughters' reaction to this post .
Posting on Instagram will reach so many more people than screaming from the rooftops.
:)
π€£π€£ will do!
Freya, thank you. As the grandmother of a Gen z girl I find myself often wanting to scream at her when I see her instagram posts. She has both inner and outer beauty, yet feels as if she needs to compete - not with other young women for men, but with other women, period. Praying that posts reach far & wide, and make an impact.
Of course it would be best for your granddaughter to get off social media but since she has it ....You are so lucky your granddaughter trusts you to see her Instagram! I can't see my daughter's :(
The families who post the college acceptances - the crying, the hugging. As if its an academy award.
Very scary when you think about it. I wonder if there is a generational or personality difference when it comes to how one uses and consumes social media? It is disturbing to see intimate moments filmed and broadcast and I find it surprising so many people donβt realized content is planned and staged?
I am only on one social media platform and I do enjoy it. While I donβt post everything going on I am guilty of posting mundane things/things I enjoy. The difference maybe is I do go back and look at memories and old posts. Iβve gotten away from printing out photos and looking through my old posts I love seeing photos of my not so small babies when they were small or friends and our adventures of the past. I find I enjoy looking back at posts with people on them more and I donβt look back on stuff like what I ate recipes I tried.
The one thing I think might disagree with you on is the value social media can have for creatives and artists. I really enjoy seeing people's art pieces and projects as they unfold and I canβt think of any other way Iβd have access to that. Liken ordinary people with talent - theyβre not going to be showing at a gallery maybe a local coffee shop but then I wouldnβt have access.
TikTok and peoples obsession with it frighten me - I have a middle aged family member who is always trying to make their videos go viral (not a business account) and I always wonder why. WHY?? what do you get out of it? I find the people around me consume social media much more than they post, most donβt post at all.
I agree with everything you wrote. This flaunting and revealing everything you do is so low class I can't imagine how desperate these people must be for attention.
Comes from the low class education, thrust upon them by a low class government. Peac, Maurice
I love this post! It's such an important conversation, for everyone. It's fascinating how we feel the need to externalise every moment of our existence, whilst taking us out of the actual moment.
Leads Peace, Maurice to the extermination of our existence...
And always in perfect makeup, because that is how the world operates, right?