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Sep 28, 2023Liked by Freya India

What would fix this? Getting off these devices and meeting as humans.

Parents! Your child does not need a smart phone. Period. This is insanity.

Young people, get together, have parties, go shopping, take walks, join sports ...get OFF the screen. Live.

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Amen.

I think it's normal for single folks to be a bit annoyed by the opposite sex. We want to make it work with them so badly. Yet they keep acting in ways that don't fit our expectations and foil our plans, for reason's inscrutable or even blameworthy to us.

That leads to what I'd consider the normal grousing about relationships and the opposite sex many folks engage in. It's the equivalent of letting off steam about your job and boss (another relationship fraught with such dynamics) at happy hour. You don't want to let it consume you or to take your complaints too seriously, but acknowledging the frustrations of the human condition is normal and usually healthy.

The inability of many folks today to do this or maintain this perspective is sad and amazing, and calamitous for too many people for all the reasons you say. I'm astounded by how much basically normal behavior - what I'd consider annoying or frustrating and worth grousing about but nothing more - is pathologized online.

It's not that he's not that interested and busy; he let things die and stopping chatting or calling you because he is a narcissist, and his misleading behavior is a form or abuse or assault.

It's not that she was not that into you and so ended the night early but gracefully after dinner with an excuse and peck on the cheek; she is part of a conspiracy to steal resources from decent men like you while always intending to cheat or leave for a tall a-hole - a form of fraud and, really, theft by deception that should be criminalized, and until it is should lead you to never marry or believe in love.

Holy heck everyone. Not everyone's a sociopath or narcissist, and every action that hurts you is not abuse. The behavior you're making a federal case (or at least YouTube video or Tik-Tok) about is not evil, a sign of mental illness, or a worrying trait of a predator or serial offender whom you must stop.

So many of us are learning wrong lessons and building mental models for behavior that is just not there or more readily explained by less sinister, even innocent motives; in adopting those perspectives (and spreading them in Facebook groups dedicated to informing women when they're dating the same guy but too often devolve into displays for ex's dirty laundry - or in the guy's equivalent group chats and message boards),

we're just indulging our worst impulses as unhappy or jilted lovers and blowing our own issues out of proportion, to everyone's detriment.

reasons

It's sad and amazing how much

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Sep 28, 2023Liked by Freya India

As someone advanced in age, my advice would be this; your career will be the least important part of your well-being as you age. Find something that brings you meaning and pays the bills but nothing can take the place of a lasting commitment to another human and children. It’s the greatest bulwark against the darkest aspects of the world. You will not find that true connection online. It’s antithetical to the goal. I could write an essay about this,but simply put, both young men and young women need to be guided towards a life that brings them meaning and the fairytale that climbing the corporate ladder will do that has been disproven by both sexes now. Time to empower yourselves to step away from The Machine - be bold, be brave, find like minded people, find a goal, get out into the real world and work on something concrete. You will fall in love there.

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The rise and proliferation of Feminism and it’s entitled, self-absorbed, Narcissistic, Histrionic Neuoticism speaks to most if it. From the day Princess is born she is coddled and placed on a pedestal, removed from any hardship or expectation that she must work and endure the standard hardships all humans must face in life. Her world is reduced to the trivialities of her own making, the petty, self-contrived attitude that men and the World at large owe her something, after all, there will be consequences for anyone who does not treat Princess as the Queen she is?!

When you start raising them with consequences for their actions, force them to see the world outside of their own trivial self interest, and make them work for things in life rather than hand them everything they demand, then just maybe they will develop character? Women are toxic, and in elevating them to the top of the hierarchy we see that Society self destructs under the weight of the Cluster B personality disorders. Barbie is a disgrace, and it seems to be Feminists thst are driving this pathopsychology we see everywhere now.

Men have their own issues of toxic disfunction, but they operate more from reason rather than psychotic emotion. It is women who are primarily to blame for the toxic, anti-truth world we are in now, and the Culture that raised them to behave this way!

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"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

CS Lewis "The Four Loves"

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Thank you for the neutral and honest analysis of the problem. However, your forgetting the elephant in the room. For decades a small group of neurotic, misandrist feminist have been demeaning men using the media, academics (women studies), corporations (me too & DEI) and other aspects of our society. They have taught women to be narcissistic and entitled. These sick, power hungry people have poisoned our society and tried to destroy the nuclear family. What started as the worthy goal of equality has turned into an evil power grab. We have and are allowing them to get away with it. How sad the we have let young people down.

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This is a good point and one I’ve not thought of yet: that the alpha male and girl boss types are just coping. For a while I just wrote them off quickly as dumb or selfish and didn’t give them much thought. In truth generally speaking they’re afraid. This I think tracks so much better with the primary motivators of our generation.

Fear is what drives our generation. We’re really afraid of the truth in general and are very uncomfortable with the emotions and feelings that being confronted with the truth bring up. I think obviously to a degree this is part of the human condition, but it is particularly striking in our generation. We’re afraid of commitment and sincerity. To anything really-- be that a lifestyle, a person, or something greater than ourselves joyful or sorrowful. We use memes or ideology to avoid confronting the truth of our situation. We’re afraid to take anything seriously even things that have the gravitas to demand us taking it seriously. Like I said these can be joy inspiring things or sorrow inspiring.

I think this is because we’re really uncomfortable with gray. Everything must be black and white. Of course the truth is solid and defined, but it’s our distorted perception which makes it gray. This is man’s lot. Our generation can’t take the truth seriously, can’t take weighty things seriously, because to do so would be to recognize something higher than ourselves which from our finite perspective necessitates a degree of mystery which for one reason or the other our generation can’t tolerate. So instead we try to bring the truth and things greater than us down to our level by memeing on it or by dumbing it down to ideological mush.

We, as a generation, can’t abide ambiguity, which is tragic. And as it turns out the most ambiguous thing for a young person is the other sex. So I think this utter detestation for ambiguity in our generation manifests itself most prominently in the so-called gender wars.

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Sep 28, 2023Liked by Freya India

I agree with about 90% of this... to treat others as human, to see our similarities before our differences... BUT... is it really just GenZ? GenZ was born between 1998 and 2016... that's ages 7 through 24... half of GenZ are CHILDREN.

Probably we really mean "a few older GenZ" and mostly otherwise millennials under 40? No? most of the RedPills I debate online are in their 30s, not teenagers.

It is true that technology over the last 20 years has allowed people to live vicarious through electronics, phones, internet, dating apps, video games and this has tended to make them less likely to even WANT to go out (Oh and 2 years of pandemic too!) and to fear REAL REALITY over electronic babysitters.... I think this is why they date less.

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While dating apps and social media undoubtedly distort the dating market, there are some underlying realities that younger people are attending to. Increasing numbers of men are avoiding relationships because they are becoming dangerous. MeToo and related phenomenon have changed behaviours. Men are constantly told not to approach women because it is creepy. This is especially true with fraternizing at work, which we are told is unacceptable.

As for marriage, in most Western nations when men are interviewed about why they are avoiding it they remind us they are actually avoiding divorce because the family courts are heavily skewed in favour of women.

The dating apps also reveal actual female behaviour. Over eighty percent of women chase the top five percent of men and ignore the rest. This distorts the perception of what is out there, especially for women. It is no exaggeration to say for women in their 20s many seem to be sleeping with the same handful of men. This is certainly true for those using the apps.

I have no solutions, except some kind of return to normality, people actually meeting in bars and socializing. But I suspect that is dead for Gen Z. That seems to be what they are predicting anyway.

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Right on! I've been in a relationship for over 20 years now, so the whole modern app-based dating scene is not something I have experience with. My view of it from the outside is depressing as hell. You want to be able to find people to date more easily, sure; that sounds great. But if it's actually *easy*, then one or both parties get that "easy come, easy go" attitude and don't treat romantic relationships with the weight they deserve. You're trying to bond with somebody in such a way that you can fill in each other's gaps (yes, I heard it too; be mature) and look out for each other through the good times and the bad, hopefully into old age. If you can work that out with a super-devoted friend group, more power to you, but I only have the energy to bond with one person that way.

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Sep 28, 2023Liked by Freya India

One of the best things about these posts. Freya, is that even though they're written in the first-person, the word "I" appears relatively little. Your pov is more "we" and "us" - the sign of a mature person able to see and understand the world collectively. Thank you for your authentic insights.

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Your Awesome - thankyou for writing that. Im raising my boy without social media and hes doing great.

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The fact that a show like Whatever even exists is the sign of a fragile culture obsessed with attention and exaggerated gender roles. The lack of substance is striking. Whatever is a cheap exploitation of a group of people who already exploit themselves. We can do so much better.

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And you are one of the good women Freya, another good one as usual.

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Sep 28, 2023Liked by Freya India

To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, only by being terrible do the latter avoid being comic.

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I agree with most of this, but I think it underestimates just how poor quality of life partners both young men and young women are faced with in the modern world. Because people have been taught men and women are the same, both sexes have begun mirroring the traits they want in the opposite sex on the assumption that it is attractive - i.e. women have begun manifesting the traits they like in men, and vica versa.

On top of that, you have the unique challenges of each sex - porn has essentially ruined an entire generation of young men, and the encouragement of young women to sleep around and deliberately flaunt what most men find attractive has done the same to women.

So, while I actually agree with the talk of 'body count' in women - it's a much needed conversation that's been largely absent from the discussion entirely over the last 50 years - I can also have a lot of sympathy for young women. Men (quite rightly) don't want to marry whores or sluts, and no matter how much shaming you do that will never change, and the first step is actually pointing this out and talking about it. I really don't think women understand the degree this preference is ingrained in the male psyche

However, women (quite rightly) don't want to marry porn addicted losers, and I've heard many comments regarding such from young women, bemoaning in similar ways the lack of prospects on their side of the equation.

I think simply calling for an armistice in the 'gender war' as you say, isn't near enough. Fundamentally, in the west both sexes have become essentially unattractive to each other, for varying reasons. All the angst, while being amplified by social media, has a genuine frustration beneath it.

Take that away, and all you're left with is apathy. At least the frustration acknowledges a lack, a desire to reconcile and a hope for the future. Otherwise, the only other option is giving up entirely, which is basically what Gen Z is in the process of doing. The lack of sex and relationships is not being driven by frustration or anger, but the emotion that succeeds that - apathy. They just find very little attractive or worthwhile about the other sex, and so why even bother engaging?

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