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Teachinprek's avatar

What would fix this? Getting off these devices and meeting as humans.

Parents! Your child does not need a smart phone. Period. This is insanity.

Young people, get together, have parties, go shopping, take walks, join sports ...get OFF the screen. Live.

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Paul's avatar

Amen.

I think it's normal for single folks to be a bit annoyed by the opposite sex. We want to make it work with them so badly. Yet they keep acting in ways that don't fit our expectations and foil our plans, for reason's inscrutable or even blameworthy to us.

That leads to what I'd consider the normal grousing about relationships and the opposite sex many folks engage in. It's the equivalent of letting off steam about your job and boss (another relationship fraught with such dynamics) at happy hour. You don't want to let it consume you or to take your complaints too seriously, but acknowledging the frustrations of the human condition is normal and usually healthy.

The inability of many folks today to do this or maintain this perspective is sad and amazing, and calamitous for too many people for all the reasons you say. I'm astounded by how much basically normal behavior - what I'd consider annoying or frustrating and worth grousing about but nothing more - is pathologized online.

It's not that he's not that interested and busy; he let things die and stopping chatting or calling you because he is a narcissist, and his misleading behavior is a form or abuse or assault.

It's not that she was not that into you and so ended the night early but gracefully after dinner with an excuse and peck on the cheek; she is part of a conspiracy to steal resources from decent men like you while always intending to cheat or leave for a tall a-hole - a form of fraud and, really, theft by deception that should be criminalized, and until it is should lead you to never marry or believe in love.

Holy heck everyone. Not everyone's a sociopath or narcissist, and every action that hurts you is not abuse. The behavior you're making a federal case (or at least YouTube video or Tik-Tok) about is not evil, a sign of mental illness, or a worrying trait of a predator or serial offender whom you must stop.

So many of us are learning wrong lessons and building mental models for behavior that is just not there or more readily explained by less sinister, even innocent motives; in adopting those perspectives (and spreading them in Facebook groups dedicated to informing women when they're dating the same guy but too often devolve into displays for ex's dirty laundry - or in the guy's equivalent group chats and message boards),

we're just indulging our worst impulses as unhappy or jilted lovers and blowing our own issues out of proportion, to everyone's detriment.

reasons

It's sad and amazing how much

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