So good! I wonder how much this contributes to widespread perpetual adolescence and delayed maturity. For example, it seems like all our media now normalizes developmentally immature characters. The show Nobody Wants This displays characters wrestling through insecurities and common sense problems that many humans would’ve historically dealt with in their early teens — but it’s problematic and discouraging given that the characters in the show are almost 40.
It’d be interesting to see a study of how social media has influenced delayed maturity in this regard. Anyways, thought this was all so well put.
Great essay. This is why the ad driven, attention driven business model itself needs to be abolished. If your business model requires infantilizing and addicting people, you need a new model. Drug dealers have a similar business model and we (used to, anyway) outlaw it. Not quite sure how to do that with social media in a free society but something's gotta change.
I’m not really connecting feminization as the problem. But social media and the platforms are definitely a problem. Simply because of trolls, rage baiters, partisan politics out of control, bad actors, and algorithms that reward and push that on us.
The ruminating and co-ruminating is interesting because it seems similar to the idea of leveraging authenticity. People are 'revealing' who they are the inside...but it's commodified so of course that leads to performances of authenticity so you can procure the engagement and consequently the clout and money.
I don’t think it’s possible to both live in the online space and be masculine. Traditional masculinity encouraged closing emotional loops through physical activity, combat, or even manual labor. How are both girls and boys going to achieve that basic need if they’re sitting around swiping through social media for hours each day?
I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing. I’m not saying people shouldn’t talk through emotions. I’m pointing to the role physical activity can play in processing them, something that’s been part of human behavior long before social media.
My point is more about what’s missing when most of our time is spent in purely digital environments.
I think it's been documented by psychologists that women "prefer" bonding face to face (over coffee or in discussion circles) whereas men "prefer" bonding shoulder to shoulder via some kind of activity (chopping wood or building a shed). Is it a black and white break, no. Of course exceptions always apply. It's just in the aggregate these trends hold true.
Another insightful essay, Freya! I think the situation will only get worse, as the 'adultification' of children, which is happening at scale right now for a number of different reasons, leads directly to the infantilisation of adults. With social media, and the effects you describe, thrown into the mix, we are going to be woefully short of grown ups in the room, just when we desperately need them.
I like your writing a lot but this was repetitive I think largely because the reasoning is not fleshed out beyond “immaturity.” I do think there’s something to be said for the feminization thesis but mainly in the directive that we have to be nice and can’t hurt people’s feelings extended to brutal hypocritical unachievable extremes often used as a club to cancel people and even dehumanize groups. Companion to that is the grudge holding the inability to forgive on average, a more female trait. The cleansing purity rituals the self flagellation that merely riles up the mob is more religious in origin where men and women can both be overly scrupulous but in varying domains. I don’t know how podcasting is female. Men enjoy their guy talk too. Unfortunately I’ve had more than one experience listening to a group of men dissect women by parts. Men can be exceptionally juvenile but usually in different areas than women. So I think the fundamental on average disparity is with talk policing and how hard you hold onto words.
Excellent take. I started a fiction book about a sleep disorder 4 years ago but it turned into a book about the infantilization of everyone due to self absorption and lack of real world consequence online. Then there's also some real feminization of men as a result of never interacting with women in real life.
Thank you for breaking it down so well. I am terrible at detailed analysis, but I pick up on things like this intuitively. This article will help my story.
So good! I wonder how much this contributes to widespread perpetual adolescence and delayed maturity. For example, it seems like all our media now normalizes developmentally immature characters. The show Nobody Wants This displays characters wrestling through insecurities and common sense problems that many humans would’ve historically dealt with in their early teens — but it’s problematic and discouraging given that the characters in the show are almost 40.
It’d be interesting to see a study of how social media has influenced delayed maturity in this regard. Anyways, thought this was all so well put.
30 going on 13
I am absolutely unable to understand why so many people are claiming one thing or another is masculinized or feminized.
These are mushy categories. Most things are neither.
It all seems anti-woman to me.
Great essay. This is why the ad driven, attention driven business model itself needs to be abolished. If your business model requires infantilizing and addicting people, you need a new model. Drug dealers have a similar business model and we (used to, anyway) outlaw it. Not quite sure how to do that with social media in a free society but something's gotta change.
I’m not really connecting feminization as the problem. But social media and the platforms are definitely a problem. Simply because of trolls, rage baiters, partisan politics out of control, bad actors, and algorithms that reward and push that on us.
The ruminating and co-ruminating is interesting because it seems similar to the idea of leveraging authenticity. People are 'revealing' who they are the inside...but it's commodified so of course that leads to performances of authenticity so you can procure the engagement and consequently the clout and money.
I don’t think it’s possible to both live in the online space and be masculine. Traditional masculinity encouraged closing emotional loops through physical activity, combat, or even manual labor. How are both girls and boys going to achieve that basic need if they’re sitting around swiping through social media for hours each day?
Wut? Closing emotional loops through whatever physical activity? Do people think this way?
That makes zero sense to me.
I like to be able to have a conversation with the men around me. Nothing is resolved if they just go chop wood.
I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing. I’m not saying people shouldn’t talk through emotions. I’m pointing to the role physical activity can play in processing them, something that’s been part of human behavior long before social media.
My point is more about what’s missing when most of our time is spent in purely digital environments.
Why do you think that’s just for men, though? That’s the thing that frustrates me.
I think it's been documented by psychologists that women "prefer" bonding face to face (over coffee or in discussion circles) whereas men "prefer" bonding shoulder to shoulder via some kind of activity (chopping wood or building a shed). Is it a black and white break, no. Of course exceptions always apply. It's just in the aggregate these trends hold true.
Another insightful essay, Freya! I think the situation will only get worse, as the 'adultification' of children, which is happening at scale right now for a number of different reasons, leads directly to the infantilisation of adults. With social media, and the effects you describe, thrown into the mix, we are going to be woefully short of grown ups in the room, just when we desperately need them.
I like your writing a lot but this was repetitive I think largely because the reasoning is not fleshed out beyond “immaturity.” I do think there’s something to be said for the feminization thesis but mainly in the directive that we have to be nice and can’t hurt people’s feelings extended to brutal hypocritical unachievable extremes often used as a club to cancel people and even dehumanize groups. Companion to that is the grudge holding the inability to forgive on average, a more female trait. The cleansing purity rituals the self flagellation that merely riles up the mob is more religious in origin where men and women can both be overly scrupulous but in varying domains. I don’t know how podcasting is female. Men enjoy their guy talk too. Unfortunately I’ve had more than one experience listening to a group of men dissect women by parts. Men can be exceptionally juvenile but usually in different areas than women. So I think the fundamental on average disparity is with talk policing and how hard you hold onto words.
Not me. I'm still an "adult human male"! 😊
Wow amazing Freya, the truest part you said was that it's gone all the way into politics, sad but true.
Excellent take. I started a fiction book about a sleep disorder 4 years ago but it turned into a book about the infantilization of everyone due to self absorption and lack of real world consequence online. Then there's also some real feminization of men as a result of never interacting with women in real life.
Thank you for breaking it down so well. I am terrible at detailed analysis, but I pick up on things like this intuitively. This article will help my story.