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Amethyst's avatar

Reading this, I have to admit, I chuckled because some of these things sound absurd...but I am mostly saddened that my fellow women (younger and older) are basing so much of their value and worth on looking “ageless.”

When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to have wrinkles and crow’s feet because I thought “now that’s a woman who’s lived a lot more life, has some wisdom and some stories!”

There is beauty in age (pain as well)...and the gift age gives you is time and the opportunity to live life. And valuing your time and self as a person-doesn’t mean wasting time worrying about the fact that you’re aging...enjoy life, laugh so hard you make more wrinkles, have enough experiences that your face looks like crackle glazed vase...that’s living, that’s life☺️

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Joseph's avatar

Thanks for sharing this. It's very beautifully written, and deeply sobering. I'm an instant fan. Of course I'm inspired to add my own mediocre, compulsive comments. First is simply that we humans are neither cyborgs nor disembodied spirits, therefore we all have a shelf life. It's not injustice, it's mere biology, and it is equally true for boys and men (who simply have a different time/value curve.) Second, we each have a "commodity value" (which is really just a real and/or estimated social bargaining power for getting what we want and need from others) that barely overlaps the divine spark of our own souls. It is the dissonance between these two valences that torments us all, whether male or female. You magnificently capture the unique torment particular to the "pretty girl" (or, the almost-pretty girl) and the "used to be pretty girl." Outside that frame are the experiences of all who are something other than that. Which is to say, practically everybody, given that only 50% of humans are female, and "pretty" probably fits neatly on no more that a third of them. So, around 17% of humans, only a fraction of whom are in that phase of life at any moment. Still, that feminine fraction fascinates the attention of all of us. And we barely recognize the reason: We're basically just mammals mating and propagating our species. Ultimately it is our primitive urge to improve our collective gene pool that rivets the teenage girl to TikTok and her bathroom mirror, and that moves mature adults to sift cheerleaders and quarterbacks our of the rabble of ordinary kids, and to require the rabble to honor them. Nevertheless, there is live and love and joy for "the rest of us." If only we let go of the expectation that it is we who will be the next object of genetic reverence.

I found you via Rob Henderson, and dang, I'm glad. I'll be up late reading all of your writings!

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